What good
is marriage blog that neglects to discuss the importance of sexual
relationships? I believe when God created man (and woman), he purposefully
implanted sexual desires in our bodies.
Spencer W. Kimball said: “The sexual drives
which bind men and women together as one are good and necessary. They make it possible to leave one’s parents
and cleave unto one another.” Without
these strong desires we might never leave our parents, and carry out God’s plan
for the progression of his spirit children.
Ezra Taft Benson taught: “Sex was created and
established by our Heavenly Father for sacred, holy, and high purposes.” Note that he says purposes—not just one purpose.
Procreation is understood as the primary purpose for sex, but there are
other purposes as well. Victor B. Cline
explains this further when he said; “The
human reproductive drive is one of God’s great gifts to mankind. It allows us to participate in the act of
creation . . .. Sexual intimacy with genuine affection may also bond the
husband and wife together, heal wounds in the relationship, and bless the man
and woman with a special kind of joy and caring for each other. Indeed, the physical union of husband and
wife is not only a commandment of God, but it is also a great blessing for us.”
According
to Sean Brotherson, a family science specialist, there are three dialogues we hear about sexual matters.
1. The world’s
view, which is influenced by Satan, and offers distorted images of sensuality,
and misplaced or twisted values and expressions of sexuality.
2. The
powerful and compelling warnings of prophetic leaders and caring Church members
who seek to steer us away from pornography, sexual exploitation, and immoral
conduct.
3. And
finally one we seldom hear, and yet comprises perhaps the most important and
powerful portion of our understanding about sexual intimacy is the dialogue
about the sanctity, power and emotional depth of proper sexual intimacy in a
marriage.
We focus so
much on what NOT to do when it comes to sexual intimacy that we neglect to ponder,
study, teach, and discuss the beauty of the sexual power that God has bestowed
upon us.
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| Wise husbands know too. |
Now I grant
you that depending on where we look for information we may be bombarded with pornographic
images and ideas. We may also be
encouraged to participate in questionable activities. Because of this many adamantly refuse to try
to research ways to improve their sexual intimacy. But there are many Christian sources that
teach about intimacy in a respectful, sacred way. There is no need for us to ignore learning by
study and by faith to improve our relationship.
We need to
seek answers to our concerns and learn to communicate with our spouse about
sexual things. John Gottman has noted
that couples in such discussions often tend to “vague out” making their
communication unclear and less than helpful.
Often when couples talk to each other about their sexual needs, the
conversations are indirect, imprecise and inconclusive. Frequently both partners are in a hurry to
end the conversation, hopeful that they will miraculously understand each
other’s desires without much talk. The
problem is that the less clear you are about what you want and don’t want, the
less likely you are to get it. Sex is a fun way to share with each other, and deepen your sense of intimacy. But when communication is fraught with
tension, then frustration and hurt feelings too often result.
Brent Barlow, professor of family life at Brigham Young University, teaches his
students about sexual stewardship in marriage.
He explains that there are at least three implied elements that
characterize successful stewardship.
They are: (1) agency, (2) diligence, and (3) accountability. “We may accept or reject the opportunity to
become a steward, but once we accept the responsibility, we are expected to
exert great effort, [as taught in] the parable of the talents. We are expected to improve or enhance what we
have been given. Ultimately there will
be an accounting on one kind or another of our various stewardships.”
As discussed
in my entry entitled “True Love”, men and women are different. This is especially true in the bedroom. Men are like microwaves and women are like
crockpots. It will take time, effort and
practice to truly become one in our sexual relationships.
Essence Encounter:
Think about your sexual stewardship with your spouse, and
ponder how you have improved or enhanced its quality as a ‘marital
steward’? Or have you avoided and
ignored this aspect of your marital relationship?
As you think
on this topic I have included some Christian resources to guide you in your
quest of improving your stewardship. As
you look through them, glean what you feel is appropriate for you and discard
the rest. The idea is to study and work to
enhance the relationship you have and improve where you feel it is
lacking.
“The lawful
association of the sexes is ordained of God, not only as the sole means of race
perpetuation, but for the development of the higher faculties and nobler traits
of human nature, which the love-inspired companionship of man and woman alone
can insure.” --JosephSmith
1. And They Were Not Ashamed, by Laura M. Brotherson
3. Between Husbandand Wife: Gospel Perspectives on Marital Intimacy, by Stephen Lamb and Douglas Brinley.
4. Intended For Pleasure, by Ed Wheat
6. The Good Girl’sGuide to Great Sex, by Sheila Wray Gregoire
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