True Love

  

Westley: I told you I would always come for you. Why didn't you wait for me?

Buttercup: Well... you were dead.

Westley: Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.

Humperdinck: You truly love each other? Then you might have been truly happy! No couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the storybooks say.

            I love the movie “The Princess Bride”.  It is a movie about ‘true love’.  It shows us that true love endures, and yet, it is hard work to stay together.  And, it seems that it is so difficult--that not many couples end up staying together.   Part of the reason it is work is because we are different.  Men and women are very different: from our physical characteristics, to the way we think, the roles we have, how we meet challenges, how we parent, and how we approach life in general.

            Anthropologically speaking man and women are different.  Obviously, right?  They are distinct and yet, complementary to each other.  God made them so for a reason.  David A. Bednar has taught:

            “Gender is an essential characteristic of individual . . . eternal identity and purpose, and in a large measure defines who we are, why we are here upon the earth, and what we are to do and become.  For divine purposes, male and female spirits are different, distinctive and complementary. 

            Alone, neither the man nor the woman could fulfill the purposes of his or her creation.  By divine design, men and women are intended to progress together toward perfection and a fullness of glory.  Because of their distinctive temperaments and capacities, males and females each bring to a marriage relationship unique perspectives and experiences.  The man and woman contribute differently but equally to a oneness, and a unity that can be achieved in no other way.

            The man completes and perfects the woman, and the woman completes and perfects the man as they learn from and mutually strengthen and bless each other.  Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.” (1 Cor.11: 11)

            In a presentation given at Ricks College in 2001, Bruce Satterfield explained the Hebrew meaning of the word ‘helpmeet’ that is found in the scriptures.  I like this analogy.  It is a simple and yet profound principle.  (Link to: Genesis 2:18.) 

            “The sense of the phrase ezer kenegdo is 'an equal but opposite helper to him'. For example, my left hand is the ezer kenegdo to my right hand; both hands look alike except they are exactly opposite. Both hands are equal but opposite. This is so that they might work better together. Imagine trying to pick up a shovel with two hands that are positioned the same! Again, the ezer kenegdo of the right wing of an airplane is the left wing; they look exactly the same except they are opposite each other. Both wings are equal but opposite. This is so that the airplane can fly. One wing is no more important than the other. The same is true with man and woman. Man's ezer kenegdo is woman. Both are equal but opposite. It requires both to fulfill the role of parenthood!” 

            I would also submit that it is through learning to work together, in spite of our differences, that we learn, grow and develop ennobling characteristics.

            Here is a humorous video talking about the differences of our brains---

            Richard G. Scott taught  “Obedience to the plan is a requisite for full happiness in this life and a continuation of eternal joy beyond the veil…To follow his plan requires that you do those things he expects of you as a son or daughter, husband or wife.  Those roles are different but entirely compatible.  In the Lord’s plan, it takes two—a man and a woman—to form a whole.  Indeed, a husband and wife are not two identical halves, but a wondrous, divinely determined combination of complementary capacities and characteristics.

       Marriage allows these different characteristics to come together in oneness—in unity—to bless a husband and a wife, their children and grandchildren.  For the greatest happiness and productivity in life, both husband and wife are needed.  Their best efforts interlock and are complementary.  Each has individual traits that best fit the role the Lord has defined for happiness as a man and a woman.  When used as the Lord intends, those capacities allow a married couple to think, act, and rejoice as one—to face challenges together and overcome them as one, to grow in love and understanding, and through temple ordinances to be bound together as one whole, eternally.   That is the plan.”

                    Apparently we need each other and our differences to grow and progress to our fullest potential.

Essence Encounter:

                        According to information attributed to Psychologist Bette Newcape--When it comes to talking about their problems, and their worries with friends, men and women have completely different goals.

            When a man unburdens himself to his friends, what he is really doing is asking for help. "These are my problems. Assist me in coming up with solutions to them."  When a woman unburdens herself, what she is really doing is asking for sympathy. "These are my problems. Isn't my life terrible because I have all these problems? Don't you feel sorry for me?"

            The reason why so many women think men are incapable of 'serious' emotion is because when a woman tells a man about her problems, he immediately does what men do: tries to fix them.  It is his natural response.  Unfortunately, the woman doesn't want solutions, she wants sympathy, and since the man isn't commiserating, she believes he is unsympathetic and dispassionate toward her concerns.

            Likewise, the reason why many men think women are over-emotional is because when a man tells a woman about his problems, she immediately does what women do, talks about how she feels when faced with similar problems, and how horrible it is for him etc., when what he wants is for her to offer him some solutions.

            Neither gender's approach is wrong, nor are these approaches "uncaring" or "over-emotional". They merely reflect the differences in the way the brains of men and women are wired.

             This week let’s try to appreciate our differences.  Make a list of ten things your spouse does differently that you are grateful for.  We should be guided by principles of respect and be sensitive to each other’s needs and desires.  Does your husband need help solving a problem?  Try to give him some solutions.  Does your wife need an empathetic ear?  Listen with your heart as well as your ears.  It might be difficult, but hang in there.  You will get better with practice.  If you have children this skill will be a great asset in helping them feel accepted and understood by you.  Give it a shot—it can’t hurt and what you gain through the experience will strengthen your marriage.