My Purpose

I am studying Marriage and the Family. I have created this blog to determine the essence of a great marriage. I will share what I discover to be essential principles and ideas on how to incorporate them into our lives. I will include an 'Essence Encounter' with each entry; it will be an activity for strengthening your marriage. So if you want to share in my journey of discovery...read on.

Saturday, January 23, 2016

The Great Debate

             Our American society and government was built on the freedom of speech and the privilege to debate.  Debating over issues includes discussion and deliberation upon the pros and cons of a point in question.  After debating, communities vote to determine the laws of our society.

            One of the great debates in our century is that of the definition of “marriage”.  What does it mean to be married?  What is the purpose of marriage?  Some argue that the fundamental purpose of marriage is to promote the well-being of those who marry.  That it provides emotional fulfillment, and support in times of challenge.  That it is good for society, because people who live in stable, fulfilling and supportive relationships are better citizens.
            This definition is not ‘wrong’, but it is not completely ‘correct’ either.  Although many people today share this idea that marriage is about the happiness of the people choosing to marry, it is not the traditional definition.  “For millennia, marriage has been inextricably linked to the one thing that only an opposite-sex couple can do: procreate”. (Judge Alito, Supreme Court)
            Some would have us believe that marriage is defined by the government, and it would “mean little” without governmental recognition.  But this is not the case.
            The Family Proclamation of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints teaches: 
     “Marriage between a man and a woman is essential to [God’s] eternal plan.  Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.

           The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife.  We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.  We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of precreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.”



            Supreme Court Judge Roberts dissented the decision of the Supreme Court on the decision about same-sex ‘marriages and had this to say:
            The human race must procreate to survive.  Procreation occurs through sexual relations between a man and a woman.  When sexual relations result in the conception of a child, that child’s prospects are generally better if the mother and father stay together rather than going their separate ways. Therefore, for the good of children and society, sexual relations that can lead to procreation should occur only between a man and a woman committed to a lasting bond.  Society has recognized that bond as marriage.  And by bestowing a respected status and material benefits on married couples, society encourages men and women to conduct sexual relations within marriage rather that without.  Marriage is a socially arranged solution for the problem of getting people to stay together and care for children that the mere desire for children, and the sex that makes children possible does not solve.”
            An important part of marriage is the bearing and raising children.  Granted there are some couples who cannot or do not choose to bear children, but the ideal of marriage and its purpose stay the same.  It is full of meaning and responsibility, which links men to women, and parents to children.  How marriage is defined sends signals to, and reflects society’s understanding and expectations of the relationship.  We should defend the definition of marriage that includes men and women who are committed to procreation and rearing future generations.



            A fundamental principle of a great marriage is that of total fidelity between the husband and wife. The sacred power of procreation should only be used within the bonds of holy matrimony, and exclusively with your spouse.  Total fidelity within marriage solidifies the relationship.  It also “increases the odds that a man will be committed both to the children that he helped create, and to the woman with whom he did so.  Marriage brings two halves of humanity together in a monogamous relationship”. (Anderson, Ryan T.)


Essence Encounter:
            PresidentSpencer W. Kimball (1962) taught that "Marriage presupposes total allegiance and total fidelity”This week think about the level of your fidelity.  It is common for spouses to place various other people or activities above their companion.  It is not always a conscious decision, but can be detrimental to the relationship anyway. (James M. Harper)
            There have been times when I put other things above my husband.  A good book, an exciting television show, activities, or even my own children have distracted me from my relationship with my husband.  I may not think it is harmful to my marriage, but it doesn't help my relationship grow stronger either.
            Being faithful to our spouses is more than avoiding adultery.  ‘Affairs’ can be categorized into four main types: fantasy, visual, romantic and sexual.  Many affairs are committed in the heart or mind.  Infidelity is easier to prevent than to remedy.  Here are some ideas to ponder and consider in protecting your marriage relationship from infidelity:
·       Resist the desire to rescue an unhappy soul who pours their heart out to you.
·       Don’t share the most painful things of your soul with an attractive alternative. This develops deep levels of intimacy.
·       If a conversation makes light of marriage, respond with something positive about your own marriage.
·       Discuss marital issues with your spouse. Work on the problems at home. If you do need to talk to someone else about your marriage, be sure they are a friend of the marriage.
·       Don’t have lunch or take work breaks with same person all the time.
·       When you travel with a co-worker, meet in the public rooms, not in a room with a bed.
·       If an old boyfriend or girlfriend is going to be at a class reunion, make sure you bring your spouse along.
·       If you value your marriage, don’t do lunch alone with an old flame.
·       Don’t try to be cute or “flirty” with anyone other than your spouse.
·       Do not allow your heart to dwell on anyone.
                                         (Ideas from an article: Infidelity and Protecting our Marriages)


             Here are a couple videos that share some ideas of things you could work on in you commitment to fidelity.  This first link is to a video that shares some information specific for women to consider in their relationships, but I think some of the ideas can apply to men as well.
                                               www.fanboyreport.com

                                       

              This clip about “Fidelity Fences” shares ideas ideas of things you might do to increase your fidelity to your spouse.

            What is one thing you can do this week to improve your fidelity to your beloved?  Where are your “Fidelity Fences”?  Maybe watching less ‘Netflix’ is the key.  Maybe spending more time talking your spouse without distractions, like texting, Snapchats and such.  Maybe putting down the book, or getting off the computer is something you can choose.  I have a friend who always sits in the same room as her spouse.  They could be doing different things, but they are physically near each other, and she says that makes a difference in their feeling of closeness.  Maybe you would like to try that.  Decide what you can do this week, and do it!  I think you’ll be glad you did.

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